I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
