Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
