i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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