He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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