at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
