Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
