I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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