this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
