Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
