i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My ass is underappreciated
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
