I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize