he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
