Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
God I need to hump something, right now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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