paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
