Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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