sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
