u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
