hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
