My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize