Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
