just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
