Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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