the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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