Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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