a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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