with your own penis?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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