arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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