i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
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good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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