I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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