I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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