You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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