There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
