Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
