This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
