i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize