Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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