dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
