Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
