In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
