i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize