It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
