The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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