she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
