I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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