You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
