fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
