That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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