We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
