puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
