"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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