i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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