Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
