I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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