Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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