her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
