I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
