My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
