Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
