He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
