A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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