Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
