how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
