I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your cock deserves a montage
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
