1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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