God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
