I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
